You walked into the room.
Books open.
Phone in hand.
You asked your child if they had studied.
They said, “Yes.”
You didn’t believe them.
Because you saw the reel playing under the textbook.
You feel the pressure rise—again.
You snap.
They snap back.
Another day ends with guilt, shouting, and that hollow feeling:
“Why doesn’t my child have any discipline?”
You’re not being unreasonable.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re just tired of carrying the full weight of responsibility—while your child seems to coast through life ignoring every rule.
But before you blame them—or yourself—there’s something we need to clear up.
Because what most people call “discipline” today… isn’t actually discipline at all.
And what’s worse?
The way most parents try to build it is likely making it harder for the child to develop any.
Let’s break this down.
Let’s talk about where discipline really comes from—and how to help your child build it in a way that actually works.
So you can finally experience a calmer home.
A more cooperative child.
And a quieter mind that’s not constantly questioning itself.
Here are five steps I’ve seen my clients follow—and they’ve found surprising results.
This might work for you too.
Step 1: Cut the List. Most Kids Are Fighting a Losing Battle.
When I ask parents how many things they expect their child to be disciplined in, I usually get a long list:
Waking up on time.
Doing homework without reminders.
Not getting distracted by screens.
Keeping their room clean.
Helping around the house.
Greeting guests.
Sitting through tuition.
Not talking back.
That’s a full-time job. And children aren’t wired for full-time self-control.
See, discipline draws on a mental resource called executive function—which lives in the brain’s prefrontal cortex. This area helps with focus, impulse control, and follow-through.
But here’s the thing:
“The prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully mature until early adulthood.”
— PMC4182916
So while you might assume your child should be able to handle all this… their brain simply can’t.
Especially if their day is already packed with school, tuition, and performance pressure.
And even if they could—would you be able to stick to such a list without ever slipping?
This is why I encourage parents to choose just 2–3 non-negotiables.
The rest? Either pause them or make them optional.
When you shrink the battlefield, the child finally has a chance to win.
Step 2: Discipline Fails When Emotional Safety Is Missing
One of my clients once told me, “My son used to study on his own. Then suddenly, he stopped listening. Nothing I say works anymore.”
Turns out, the problem wasn’t about books or screens.
It was about how he felt at home.
They’d been fighting more often. The father’s tone had become harsh. The mother would shout, then feel guilty, then give in. The child didn’t know where the lines were anymore.
That’s not discipline breakdown. That’s survival mode.
“Children often emulate parental behaviors. Inconsistent discipline or aggression from parents may teach children to respond in similar unregulated ways.”
— Parenting Styles & Child Behavior
Discipline requires clarity. But more than that—it requires calm.
The child must feel emotionally secure to be able to think clearly, regulate impulses, and act with intention.
If they’re constantly being corrected, compared, or shamed—they stop listening not because they don’t care, but because their brain is overwhelmed.
This is where patterns like revenge resistance or emotional shutdown (noted in the Parent-Child Profile) show up.
The child either fights back—or goes numb.
And then parents say, “See? They don’t care.”
They do. But they’re tired.
Step 3: Stop Forcing Rules. Start Co-Creating Them.
Most rules don’t work because they’re dictated, not designed together.
Imagine your boss dropping a 12-point schedule on you without explanation or flexibility. You’d feel resentful—even if you followed it.
Children feel the same.
This is where I’ve seen powerful shifts happen.
Parents sit with their child and say:
“Let’s pick three rules we both agree on for this week.”
“What do you think is a fair screen limit?”
“What should the consequence be if we miss it?”
When children feel ownership, they show cooperation.
The same rule that caused resistance yesterday suddenly gets followed—because now it’s theirs too.
This reduces fake effort loops (pretending to study while doing nothing)—a behavior we see often in families where children feel over-controlled.
When you bring the child into the rule-making process, the rebellion slows down. And the relationship gets stronger.
Step 4: Train the Discipline Muscle—Like You’d Train a Body
I’ve had clients who expected their child to study for three hours daily, starting tomorrow.
I asked, “Would you go from zero to running a marathon overnight?”
Discipline is a mental muscle. It grows with reps.
Here’s what’s worked: Start with five minutes of focused study.
Then increase to ten.
Then fifteen.
And so on.
Pair that with simple reinforcement:
“You did your 10 minutes today. That’s a win.”
Why? Because small wins activate dopamine, which strengthens the brain’s reward system for effort-based tasks.
“Inadequate sleep, poor diet, and lack of physical activity all weaken impulse control and focus.”
— Sleep & Behaviour in Children
So make sure your child:
- Gets 8–9 hours of sleep
- Moves their body at least once a day
- Eats enough protein and drinks water regularly
Because without this, the brain doesn’t have the fuel to stay disciplined—no matter how many lectures you give.
Step 5: Stop Confusing Strictness with Strength
This is the most uncomfortable part for many Indian parents.
Strictness feels like control. Obedience feels like success.
But in reality?
Strictness breeds two things:
- Silent compliance with zero thinking
- Or open rebellion with maximum resistance
Neither is self-discipline.
“Authoritarian parenting styles can lead to lower self-esteem and increased behavioral problems in children.”
— TheFYI.org
Here’s what I’ve learned:
When children are raised to always follow orders, they become adults who wait for permission.
We don’t need more followers.
We need children who think, choose, and act with intention.
So if you’ve been trying to “discipline” your child through tight control, it might be time to try something else.
Start with respect.
Start with fewer rules.
Start with collaboration.
That’s where real discipline begins.
You’re not failing as a parent.
You’ve just been taught the wrong model of discipline.
It’s not about cracking down harder.
It’s about understanding what your child’s brain is ready for.
And how your relationship can become the very thing that helps them grow.
I’ve seen these approaches reduce stress, build trust, and lead to more responsible behavior—without needing constant reminders.
And maybe that can happen in your home too.
Ninad Sharma
Founder, Better Mind Institute
Lead Program Architect, StudyFocus
P.S.
You’re doing everything you can—this isn’t your fault. If strict discipline worked, you wouldn’t still feel stuck.
The real battle isn’t against your child—it’s against outdated parenting habits that no longer work in today’s world.
Some parents have found that cutting the number of rules and co-creating boundaries makes discipline more natural and less draining.
